The Bible only says masturbation is a sin in two places, and those pages are stuck together anyway. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 17, 2014 via
Sesame Street's The Count was kicked out of a Vegas casino. Not for counting cards, it was a hooker thing. — Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite)
you cant just bring bags of blood to the red cross. big waste of time & blood. "where did you get this," theyll say. how
First rule of chess club, do fight club's homework. — Brent (@Brentweets) May 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/Brentweets
Just the tip? Um, guys, that's the worst part. — Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) May 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/lianamaeby
I choose AT&T as my carrier because I'm only really actively listening to 22% of a phone call anyway. — Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 15,
Thought I heard the fire alarm going off but nope, someone just brought a baby into an office full of women. — Ann Trollter (@OhNoSheTwitnt)
It's kind of crazy how paranoid I was about drinking backwash as a kid, knowing the things I've swallowed as an adult. — desi jedeikin