I model for stock photos in the hope that one day my face will show up in an ad next to the porn my son
My new teapot has arrived!!! Thanks, Ambien!!! pic.twitter.com/jqOW0BMXaO — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 14, 2014 via http://twitter.com/JennyJohnsonHi5
NEW CONTRACTIONS p'orn -popcorn a'ss -abyss c'um -chrysanthemum an'al -animated special cl'it -clarinet exhibit crem'pie -cremated hippie — Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 14, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead
Just invented a game called 'Stuffed Animal Toss' and the children are having so much fun because they don't recognize the new trashcan. — Amanda
Clinton was on Between Two Bushes — Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 11, 2014 via http://twitter.com/aparnapkin
Meatloaf is probably my fav singer whose name means smooshed beef sculpture — Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 12, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
I want to open a specialty grocery store that only sells donuts, swiss cheese, Cheerios, and onion rings. I'll call it Hole Foods. — Betty
Boy, my love for you is like a mini-fridge freezer: Not the temperature you want, but you're still gonna stick your stuff in me. —