"Sorry dude. I missed again. Cool cup though." - refrigerator ice dispensers — Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) May 19, 2014 via http://twitter.com/GrowlyGrego
When a guy asks if the carpet matches the drapes I say "actually it's hardwood throughout" then I show him my dick — Paige (@PeachCoffin)
when you're a kid you're like "how do actors cry so easily?" and when you grow up you're like "how is anyone ever not crying?"
Given the audience for YA novels, a more relatable protagonist would be a 32-year-old who's biggest challenge is being too old to be there —
Yes, you were all made in My image, but some of you came out very lo-res. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod
It's not Adam and Steve, it's DiGiorno® — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Just reheated 2 hour old coffee in the microwave, so I'm guessing that AARP mail will start coming next week. — desi jedeikin (@DesiJedeikin) May
Girl if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put H & M together. Two-for-one khakis and affordable boat shoes, girl. You can't beat that —
My fetish is when a person I really like does sexxxxual things with me — Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/MariyaAlexander