Thinking of decorating my bedroom to look like my work cubicle so I can get some sleep. — OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 14, 2014 via http://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt
Today, in honor of Palm Sunday, masturbate. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 13, 2014 via http://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod
Even worse than this obsession with thigh gap? Thigh old navy. — Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite) April 13, 2014 via http://twitter.com/BettyFckinWhite
Please don't post a screenshot if your battery percentage is low, I can't focus on the picture because your low battery is stressing me out.
The most amazing historical event in Forrest Gump is when he got out of the friend zone with Jenny. — Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) April 12,
in florida they call it a "stand your ground" of crows — john freiler (@johnfreiler) April 12, 2014 via http://twitter.com/johnfreiler
Wearing a Baby Björk so I can carry all my stuffed ravens and twig fairies while I take a walk. — Tim Siedell (@badbanana) April
A family of ducks walks into a church. "Hi, yes, umm…I hear you have a man who turned his body into bread?" The father asks
There are no winners when playing "Eye Floater or House Centipede" — Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) April 9, 2014 via http://twitter.com/TheDairylandDon