Yes, you were all made in My image, but some of you came out very lo-res. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod
It's not Adam and Steve, it's DiGiorno® — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Just reheated 2 hour old coffee in the microwave, so I'm guessing that AARP mail will start coming next week. — desi jedeikin (@DesiJedeikin) May
Girl if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put H & M together. Two-for-one khakis and affordable boat shoes, girl. You can't beat that —
My fetish is when a person I really like does sexxxxual things with me — Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/MariyaAlexander
The Bible only says masturbation is a sin in two places, and those pages are stuck together anyway. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 17, 2014 via
Sesame Street's The Count was kicked out of a Vegas casino. Not for counting cards, it was a hooker thing. — Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite)
you cant just bring bags of blood to the red cross. big waste of time & blood. "where did you get this," theyll say. how
First rule of chess club, do fight club's homework. — Brent (@Brentweets) May 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/Brentweets