See, I Can Share!

I always cry at weddings (there's so much free food) — Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) March 23, 2014 via http://twitter.com/KevinFarzad

At Target, alone and I've opted for a cart instead of a basket. Dark foreboding clouds slowly gather over this establishment. — OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March

[slams shotglass on bar] WE BUILT IT ON HARD WORK & SACRIFICE, YOU SONS-A-BITC- [friends hold me back] [Jefferson Starship decides to leave] — Don

Your newborn baby's weight means nothing to me. Is it as big as a meatloaf, a rotisserie chicken or honey baked ham? — Shari VanderWerf

I've already sacrificed a pizza and 4 donuts to the god of depression today. Might offer up some beers later, for he is a mighty

Your pocket is probably the worst place to keep a banana, really. — (maura) (@behindyourback) March 21, 2014 via http://twitter.com/behindyourback