Ugh. Had to give a presentation to my son's 5th grade class about career choices today pic.twitter.com/mq03ILWiT7 — Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) January 14, 2014 via
I wore light colored blue jeans yesterday and now Im a bunch of peoples' dad 🙁 — Last Place Matt (@matt_simpson84) January 8, 2014 via


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Also, in what universe is someone forced to watch QVC?
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Sparky

*sets paper near an enemy's pet rock collection* Time to say goodnight, you fuckers. — Jason Miller (@longwall26) January 13, 2014 via http://twitter.com/longwall26
A flock of teen boys is called a jizzsock. — Paige (@PeachCoffin) January 13, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Don't get too excited if I say we're soulmates I am also soulmates with meatballs and a very soft stray cat with one eye —
What if Starbucks always gets our name right and were just taking other people's cups? — kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) January 13, 2014 via http://twitter.com/kellyoxford
