Why they still makin porn now that we got this gif of Giada De Laurentiis peelin a shrimp — Scott Simpson (@scottsimpson) May 21, 2014
Hypothesis (January, 2013): https://t.co/t23saALIT7 Verification (Today): pic.twitter.com/b1t1OIs9zO — Tim Siedell (@badbanana) May 21, 2014 via http://twitter.com/badbanana
My beach body is ready for sea turtles to bury eggs inside me. On the full moon they will hatch and crawl to the sea.
In high school I was voted "Class Clown" because I kept showing up at parties despite being universally feared and disliked. — Molly Manglewood (@undeadmolly)
"Ugh the black are the worst why do they even exist" -loud out of context sentence about jellybeans this entire restaurant just heard me say
And the award for best neckwear goes to.. Well would you look at that, it's a tie — Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/CornOnTheGoblin
LOOK DOWN: a rhyming response to that LOOK UP viral video.
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achmed13 shared this story from  @midnight.
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Find out which of these #RuinAToy tweets is the best on tonight’s new @midnight.
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Parenting.
SMBC + Bonus Drawing.
