Author: Sean Loos

Thanks for the one tiny cheese drawer and the two huge vegetable drawers, refrigerator that knows literally nothing about me — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 2,

They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their

@alyankovic Meet me in Central Park in 5 minutes, I have an idea. — Jonathan Coulton (@jonathancoulton) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/jonathancoulton

Ah, the first of May. Hey, I feel like doing something outdoors – any suggestions? — Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/alyankovic

"Girl, you put the 'tuna' in unfortunate." – a terrible pick up line — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/JennyJohnsonHi5

Guy Fieri's new cookbook is just a bunch of coupons for mayonnaise. — Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/AlisonLeiby