ever have a hot cake before? probably not cause they sell so goddamn quickly — Eric Taylor (@erictaylorswift) January 17, 2014 via http://twitter.com/erictaylorswift
8YO: I'm the vet, you be the doggie./Me: Ok./Her (snapping on rubber gloves she got somewhere): TIME TO EXPRESS YOUR ANAL GLANDS — Sarah Thyre
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achmed13 shared this story from  @midnight.
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One of these #CelebrityCrimes is guilty of murdering the competition. Find out which one on tonight’s new @midnight.
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FAIL Blog.
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achmed13 shared this story from @midnight.
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Find out which of these won the battle of the #KnockOffBands on tonight’s new @midnight.
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achmed13 shared this story from  Boing Boing.
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The wonderful affidavit above was created by comedian Emily McWinter‘s parents when she was a little girl; she’d lost a tooth and didn’t want to miss out on the tooth fairy’s cash prize. McWinter’s parents — lawyers — drafted and notarized the affidavit to ensure that the tooth fairy would know that the lost tooth was bona fide.
The daughter of two lawyers lost a tooth. She couldn’t find it, so they made her sign an affidavit for the Tooth Fairy. (via Neatorama)
A taco bell would actually crack almost immediately so that's a stupid name — Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/Playing_Dad
"Oh my my. Oh hell yes. I got to look up that party dress." – Peeping Tom Petty — Katrina Whipp (@SheBanggs) January 16, 2014