Author: Sean Loos

I able to butter toast with head but now I got butter on my head — birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) January 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/ProBirdRights

If a bunch of flamboyant magic bears stared and shot a rainbow at me until I "cheered" up, I'd pretend to be happy so fast.

The cool thing about the new Mumford & Sons book is if you scrape it against a washboard it's also their new record. — rachel

It figures that the moment I kill all the ants in my house, I suddenly have half a million tiny crumbs I need help moving.

Probably the worst Transformer was Megachurch. — Calm Tomb (@CalmTomb) January 14, 2014 via http://twitter.com/CalmTomb

If a road runs parallel to a river, there's probably a bridge nearby. No reason to cross five lanes of traffic, Frogger, you dumbshit. —