When I first saw the Spanx that have a crotch opening, I thought it was for easy-access sex. Then I was like "oh yeah–peeing. I
George Washington vs. Shakira’s hips — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 4, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Ironically, the whitest thing you can do is order the new Oprah chai tea latté at Starbucks. — John Quaintance (@John_Quaintance) May 4, 2014 via
I can't wait until the episode of Cosmos where they teach you how to drive your man wild. — Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 4, 2014
high-waisted jean shorts > high, wasted Gene Simmons — Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) May 4, 2014 via http://twitter.com/RandiLawson
Why is Flo, the Progressive Insurance agent, wearing an apron as her uniform? Doesn't want to get insurance all over her clothes? — Betty F*ckin'
I'm thinking about getting pregnant for the cravings. — Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) May 3, 2014 via http://twitter.com/lianamaeby
How many licks does it take to bring the TootsieRoll® Owl to orgasm? — Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) May 3, 2014 via http://twitter.com/RandiLawson
Thanks for the one tiny cheese drawer and the two huge vegetable drawers, refrigerator that knows literally nothing about me — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 2,