They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their
@alyankovic Meet me in Central Park in 5 minutes, I have an idea. — Jonathan Coulton (@jonathancoulton) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/jonathancoulton
Ah, the first of May. Hey, I feel like doing something outdoors – any suggestions? — Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/alyankovic
"Girl, you put the 'tuna' in unfortunate." – a terrible pick up line — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/JennyJohnsonHi5
Guy Fieri's new cookbook is just a bunch of coupons for mayonnaise. — Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/AlisonLeiby
after four weeks of pelvic rest, my doctor gave me the all clear to have sex and my bed stand drawer is pretty excited to
I have thwarted many friends' attempts to get me to watch Sex and the City. I'm such a Meredith or whoever. — Brooke Tuzil (@BrookeTuzil)
"Why are we calling it a Tuscan chicken sandwich?" "It's a slightly different mayo than our other mayo." "Great." -Meeting at Wendy's — Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) April 28,
Men start to break into two main attractiveness groups after age 55: sitcom grandpa guy or Viagra commercial guy. — Molly Manglewood (@undeadmolly) April 28,