Category: Twitter

Terrifying to remember that in the Olden Days, you could get burned as a witch just for loading a dishwasher correctly. — Jason Miller (@longwall26)

Granola: Start the day with some shit in your teeth — 5318008 (@primawesome) January 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/primawesome

It is utterly incomprehensible how motherfucking Raven that is — Paige (@PeachCoffin) January 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin

"Boop" - Zebra walking past a self service checkout. — Jazmasta (@jazmasta) January 16, 2014 via http://twitter.com/jazmasta

Thanks for applying to be a pro wrestling referee. Unfortunately you dont black out for 6 minutes when someone bumps into you, so its a

Cool coloring sheet! A snowy owl holding an envelope while flying over a snowman! pic.twitter.com/GeHITYavK7 — Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) January 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/KenJennings

JCPenney is closing 33 stores so now the closest one to me is all the way in 1979. — Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) January 17, 2014

ever have a hot cake before? probably not cause they sell so goddamn quickly — Eric Taylor (@erictaylorswift) January 17, 2014 via http://twitter.com/erictaylorswift

8YO: I'm the vet, you be the doggie./Me: Ok./Her (snapping on rubber gloves she got somewhere): TIME TO EXPRESS YOUR ANAL GLANDS — Sarah Thyre

A taco bell would actually crack almost immediately so that's a stupid name — Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/Playing_Dad