Category: Twitter

My grandma and I sat on each other's bad hearing sides and we're either talking about what dessert to get or fighting over states rights.

Ironically, the wolf had to diet for months just to be able to fit into sheeps' clothing. — Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November 6, 2013 via

Not sure I can believe in a God who would make a Trix Rabbit and then forever keep Trix from him. — Jason Miller (@longwall26)

When we tell politicians to do something about gun violence, partisanship & rising debt we should probably specify that these things are bad — Shari

The most overlooked thing terrorism took from us was any hope of a Home Alone sequel.No way Kevin gets on a wrong plane in a

Sorry, but ever since Human Centipede I just don't feel comfortable joining a conga line. — rachel lichtman (@DJRotaryRachel) November 5, 2013 via http://twitter.com/DJRotaryRachel

I won't be shaving this November in order to raise awareness for how lazy I am. — Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 4, 2013 via http://twitter.com/badbanana

Travis has been hogging the monkey bars all year and now he's too strong for any of the teachers to do anything about it. —

Can a 2-year-old hide without pooping? — Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 4, 2013 via http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan

I wish I found as much enjoyment in life as my 7-year-old son does in the word "panini". — Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 3, 2013