I always cry at weddings (there's so much free food) — Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) March 23, 2014 via http://twitter.com/KevinFarzad
At Target, alone and I've opted for a cart instead of a basket. Dark foreboding clouds slowly gather over this establishment. — OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March
[slams shotglass on bar] WE BUILT IT ON HARD WORK & SACRIFICE, YOU SONS-A-BITC- [friends hold me back] [Jefferson Starship decides to leave] — Don
I've already sacrificed a pizza and 4 donuts to the god of depression today. Might offer up some beers later, for he is a mighty
Your pocket is probably the worst place to keep a banana, really. — (maura) (@behindyourback) March 21, 2014 via http://twitter.com/behindyourback
I'm overweight and limber. Comes in handy when I drop a piece of pie on the floor. — rachael (@WookieOnUnicorn) March 21, 2014 via http://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn
There's a show called Chopped Canada so I imagine the contestants all help each other cook while holding hands and all 4 of them win.
No self respecting single woman has a remote with batteries still in it. — rachael (@WookieOnUnicorn) March 19, 2014 via http://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn
Back in my day, it took a lot more than a quick Google search if you wanted to see someone have sex with a Hot