I only need two things from a man; to be treated like a grown woman, and help opening my Gummi Vitamins. — Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67)
Told the therapist I used to be super goth so he said "How did that make you feel?" and I said, "I didn't feel anything,
*2yo approaches with small papercut* "Do you need a kiss?" I ask. "No, I need something that works," she says. — Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) February 24, 2014
"I feel like a million bucks!" —doe preparing for gangbang — Paige (@PeachCoffin) February 24, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party." — Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) February 21, 2014 via http://twitter.com/jenstatsky
Girl, am I Iwo Jima because it takes six Marines to raise my flagpole. Wait hold on a second — Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 23,
If I had a time machine I would just use it to keep doughnuts at peak freshness. — Adam Wilson ★★☆☆☆ (@theleanover) February 21, 2014
Emotions? More like eNOtions hahaha gross let's cover them up by laughing. — Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) February 17, 2014 via http://twitter.com/KevinFarzad