Understandably, ppl often ask for my gym routine -45 mins untangling earbuds -20 mins scrolling for song -1 rep drinking from water fountain — Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) February
I to be a maginstrate wear pretty wig and bang gravel. 100 jail for all squirrel. — birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) February 19, 2014 via http://twitter.com/ProBirdRights
Everyone makes mistakes. That's why pencils have points that I can stab my coworkers with when theirs affect my productivity. — OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 19,
Who's your favorite musician who is also a haunted scarecrow mine is Beck — jon (@senderblock23) February 18, 2014 via http://twitter.com/senderblock23
"This country is going to hell." — old person who lived through institutionalized racism and homophobia but is mad he saw a boob — Brian
If you consider Sunday afternoon to be part of the weekend clearly you don't have foresight or debilitating anxiety. — OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 16, 2014
I got 99ยข generic jelly beans. Flavors so far: - wet dog who smokes cloves - burning Strawberry Shortcake doll - pennies? - attic semen — Molly Manglewood (@undeadmolly)
tape a carrot to the back of your tie from kohls so you have something to crunch during a funeral or other thing — Carrot