always high-five Wolverine after he defeats an enemy. never go for the fist bump — chuuch (@ch000ch) January 11, 2014 via http://twitter.com/ch000ch
The FBI just hired Guy Fieri because he always knows when something is the bomb. — Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) January 11, 2014 via http://twitter.com/BuckyIsotope
Hey afternoon nap, don’t listen to that ungrateful brat. Come over here to me where you'll be loved and appreciated. — Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) January
When googling recipes for Boston cream pie, be sure to put a space between the latter two words, esp. if your mom is there —
So far as I can tell, a proper funeral is 88% stories about Jesus, 12% whatever their name is who just died. — Sean (@SeanBlazed)
*steps out of clawfoot onto warm and luxuriously soft memory foam bathmat* *realizes it's a wet diaper* — Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) January 9, 2014 via http://twitter.com/Manda_like_wine
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of affordable fashions! —Thomas Jefferson Maxx — Paige (@PeachCoffin) January 8, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Wood-fired with timber from the forest where my childhood babysitter was abducted? This really is a personal pizza. — Michael Dawson (@michaeljdawson) January 7, 2014
They claw at the frozen soil, burrowing deeply. In ten months, they will emerge and molt and feed. Until then, Mannheim Steamroller sleeps. — Tim