Any position can be the fetal position if you're inside your mom while you're doing it — o holy peach (@PeachCoffin) December 26, 2013 via
This homemade coupon is good for one gift card redeemable for two fingers up a hole of your choosing on your birthday or New Year's
At least girls with daddy issues just strip. Guys with daddy issues tend to start fights or invade Iraq. — mar aggressive (@behindyourback) December 23,
I used to be really good at archery until someone told me archery is shooting with a bow & arrow and not eating KitKats in
Traditional marriage was between a boy's parents and a girl's parents. And maybe some cattle. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 23, 2013 via http://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod
Too many people left the parade phobia meeting at the same time and now we're all in the hallway vomiting and screaming. — Ceej (@ceejoyner)
It's almost Christmas, be sure to stash a phone charger and bottle of alcohol in the bathroom. We're gonna get through this together. — Jenny
I asked Ma for a recipe of hers. She said "but it's a family secret." I said "like alcoholism? Cause you gave me that no
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, "I'm NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I've been whispering.