See, I Can Share!

I choose AT&T as my carrier because I'm only really actively listening to 22% of a phone call anyway. — Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 15,

Thought I heard the fire alarm going off but nope, someone just brought a baby into an office full of women. — Ann Trollter (@OhNoSheTwitnt)

Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question. — Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) May 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/jwoodham

It's kind of crazy how paranoid I was about drinking backwash as a kid, knowing the things I've swallowed as an adult. — desi jedeikin

The opposite of Reese Witherspoon is KitKat Blossomfork — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 15, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin

*puts butter, sour cream, and chives inside gun & points it at you* Back off pal this thing’s loaded — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 15, 2014

[Drive-thru church] "Hey I'd like a large body of Christ with a side of really old candy from grandmas pocket Oh and can I get an