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People who suck at parking are like people who suck at MarioKart: they always get towed (Toad). Ok this joke may have worked better out

Your Victoria's Secret lotion smells like a handjob from a pack of Starburst. — Trevor S (@trevso_electric) November 27, 2013 via http://twitter.com/trevso_electric

Damn girl, is your name PBS cause today you're just one period drama after another. — rachel lichtman (@DJRotaryRachel) November 26, 2013 via http://twitter.com/DJRotaryRachel

The only way to get a moderate amount of mayonnaise on a Subway sandwich is to ask for no mayonnaise. — Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November

Do you guys think Hello Kitty grew up and was like, "It's Salutations Cat"? — Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) November 25, 2013 via http://twitter.com/lianamaeby

Can I still keep Yahoo Answers as my doctor under Obamacare? — Trevor S (@trevso_electric) November 25, 2013 via http://twitter.com/trevso_electric