See, I Can Share!

An optimist sees the glass as 1/2 full. A pessimist: 1/2 empty. An optometrist sees the glasses as 1/2 off with the purchase of a

Like a kiwi, I'm kind of sweet and fruity once you get past all the toughness and hair. — Trevor S (@trevso_electric) November 18, 2013

Cute baby, how old is he? SHE, sorry. Didn’t see that weird tiny fake tulip attached to what appears to be one of your garters

When the selling point of your beer is that it's cold, you make bad beer. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) November 18, 2013 via http://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod

I'll give you 3 reasons why I can't date someone with OCD: 1. they get upset over the smallest things. b) they think I don't finish things

It's freaky how so many children children look like their owners. — Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November 16, 2013 via http://twitter.com/shariv67

I keep a pile of gray dust and hair in the corner of my bathroom, so my lipstick knows where to go when I drop