Author: Sean Loos

Heard my girlfriend fart in her sleep and then I cut myself pretty bad from jumping out of the window. — Garrett (@GarrettCake) January 2,

If I were that old lady in the diner with Harry and Sally, I'd say "I'll have what HE'S having," because honestly it looks like

The best thing to do on New Years Eve is set the microwave timer with the countdown so the first thing that happens that year