Looking so much like a dad that I wield the power to ground anyone at this Hot Topic. — Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) May 25, 2014
*goes home at 9:30 because that's enough Saturday, thank you very much* — rachael (@WookieOnUnicorn) May 25, 2014 via http://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn
If my calculations are correct Mario Batali has confused his fingers for cooked sausages at least once — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 25, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
more people should throw parties that start in the morning so you can have fun but still get to bed on time oh no i'm
The reason that there are no seat belts on public transit is because there is no one who rides public transit that wants to live
Redbox is named after my razor burn — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 23, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
*Cooks son dinner* *Helps son brush teeth* *Reads son a bed time story* *Tucks son in* *Whispers to son* "you fucking owe me" — Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 23, 2014
Got some Dr Bronner's Magic Soap in my eye and now I can see the future. It is very blurry and blood is everywhere so