My sexual orientation is mostly landscape unless it's in the shower then it's portrait — Paige (@PeachCoffin) May 22, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Still thinking about that almost full bag of Cool Ranch Doritos I accidentally left at the beach a year ago. — desi jedeikin (@DesiJedeikin) May
How To Do Sit Ups: Lay down. Hands behind your head. Wow this is a good position for a nap. Maybe just take a nap.
what with all the sex and candy, I feel like Marcy's playground could have been better policed — rachael (@WookieOnUnicorn) May 22, 2014 via http://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn
When there was only one set of footprints in the sand, Jesus was off renting a jet ski. He got one with flames on it.
My favorite whole grain is probably brown sugar. — desi jedeikin (@DesiJedeikin) May 21, 2014 via http://twitter.com/DesiJedeikin
The internet as procrastination has probably stopped a lot of inter-office mingling which could lead to marital affairs. Good work internet! — kelly oxford (@kellyoxford)
Legally I could have sex with an 18 year old, but I don't for the same reason I wouldn't waste filet mignon on a toddler.
Nobody peed in 1994 because getting off a pair of overalls and then a bodysuit with crotch snaps took too much time. — Elizabeth Hackett
at the age where people who made pacts to marry each other "if they were both single in 10 years" actually start hoping it's a