Category: Twitter

So annoying that I can't check my Facebook at work. I can check everyone else's, just not mine. — CIA Soc Med Intern (@CIASocMedIntern) June

Honestly, I think I might be overdoing it at the gym. I went once in 2011 and then I almost went today. It's starting to

Marriage is when "Take your pants off" becomes "Take your pants off. I'm doing laundry." — Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 7, 2014 via http://twitter.com/LizHackett

The whiteboard marker convention is the Expo Expo. — Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) June 7, 2014 via http://twitter.com/jennyjaffe

If a tree falls in the forest and everyone hears it am I gay?that's not right. If I'm gay does a fores- ugh Dad, meet my

The average person consumes eight spiders a year. Twenty-two if they eat at Golden Corral. — Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) June 6, 2014 via http://twitter.com/shariv67

If you need a no-nonsense leader in an emergency situation, find the woman wearing full butt underwear. — Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) June 6, 2014 via

But what if we CAN’T sleep when we’re dead? Then what? Nap now while you know you can, that's what I'm sticking to. — Gloria

Summertime for a stay-at-home mom must feel like being captured and sent back to Shawshank. — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 5, 2014 via http://twitter.com/JennyJohnsonHi5

The most beautiful phrase anyone could ever utter to another human being is "It's okay, go back to sleep." — Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) June 5,