If we weren't meant to put jumper cables on our nipples, then why do I have one red one and one black one — Ken
Must be so crazy watching your kid graduate from high school knowing in a few months they'll be 20lbs heavier and having sex with strangers.
Sex tip: Make taking off your socks sexy by tossing them into the ceiling fan and yelling "Look out! Socks!" — Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) June 3,
I have such a short, irrational temper and I can't be talked down so I bought my husband a spray bottle to use on me.
Ivory and Ivory #RedneckASong @midnight — Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite) June 5, 2014 via http://twitter.com/BettyFckinWhite
What does the Jeff Foxworthy say? #RedneckASong @midnight — Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite) June 5, 2014 via http://twitter.com/BettyFckinWhite
If “Big” happened irl the dude would probably just play with his new man-sized dick until he starved to death — Paige (@PeachCoffin) June 5,
Sometimes I feel sad for no reason but then I remember: a few reasons — Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 2, 2014 via http://twitter.com/aparnapkin
Tickling the ivories is like playing regular piano but more molesty — Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) June 1, 2014 via http://twitter.com/MariyaAlexander