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Not to question The Lord or anything, but it really feels like we only needed one kind of squash. — Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 9,

Hi I'm Dan. Nice to feet you. MEET. Not a foot fetishist. Not exclusively. Legs are nice. Look, we got off on the wrong shoe.

The Del Taco around the corner is number 1*! *cause of obesity in my household** **I live alone — Ed Lee (@smedlee) June 13, 2014 via

When someone knocks on the bathroom door I'm in at a restaurant I like to yell "OH THANK GOD. GET IN HERE AND UNZIP ME"

Forensics reports show that Video's hair and semen were found on The Radio Star's body. No alibi either. Case closed. — Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) June