See, I Can Share!

The worst part about having a chain wallet is having to give wallets to 20 other people in an hour or else something bad happens

How To Ask a Girl Out: 1)Approach her 2)Panic 3)Start crying 4)Tears will flood room 5)Make boat 6)Save her from tear flood 7)She'll say yes — Michael (@Home_Halfway) June 9, 2014 via

people keep apologizing to me needlessly and it makes me worry that I'm not offended enough about things — Steponme (@skepanie) June 9, 2014 via

I may not know what I'm doing with my life, but at least I'm also very poor. — Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) June 9, 2014 via

Might have a kid named Ward so I can collect child support by telling him father to pay it for Ward — Paige (@PeachCoffin) June

When life gives you lemons just use them as a garnish the next time you teach a man to fish. — Paige (@PeachCoffin) June 8,