Miscarriage is such a negative word. I prefer "self-cleaning oven." — Paige (@PeachCoffin) April 23, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin
Why don't death row prisoners request the chair AS the last meal? Then there's no chair, plus you're nice and full. Wake up felons —
There's a new bakery on my block. It's vegan, gluten-free, and dairy-free. It's basically a napkin store. — Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) April 23, 2014 via
wow steve how dare you actually i'm great at chess, i know all the pieces: horse, bathrobe, nipple, woman, house, bart simpson — thomas violence
After I discovered I was allergic to most cat & dog fur, I had to turn to science. Meet my dog, Rick. 100% denim. Feels
I need an antivirus program for my computer that protects me from the 17 daily pop up messages from my current antivirus program — rachael
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achmed13 shared this story from  @midnight.
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All of these #GreenTVShows tweets were made with reduced carbon emissions, but which one will be reprocessed into a champion? Find out on tonight’s @midnight.
Кто пустил ее за руль?.
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Parenting.
PROOF I’M GAY Designer Drama queen Love rainbows, beards Hate vaginal sex Obsessed with bondage Blew Adam to life Actively recruiting — God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 22, 2014 via http://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod