See, I Can Share!

Yeah baby that's a canvas tote full of kale—you gonna drop your Lulu's now or should I whisper to you about Radiolab for a little

I model for stock photos in the hope that one day my face will show up in an ad next to the porn my son

My new teapot has arrived!!! Thanks, Ambien!!! pic.twitter.com/jqOW0BMXaO — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 14, 2014 via http://twitter.com/JennyJohnsonHi5

NEW CONTRACTIONS p'orn -popcorn a'ss -abyss c'um -chrysanthemum an'al -animated special cl'it -clarinet exhibit crem'pie -cremated hippie — Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 14, 2014 via http://twitter.com/PeachCoffin

Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead

Just invented a game called 'Stuffed Animal Toss' and the children are having so much fun because they don't recognize the new trashcan. — Amanda

Listen, I can take a hint. If a girl ignores my first 6 or 7 texts, she'll only get another handful of chances before I